the wedding

in my last post i mention how mom has a hard time paying up when she has committed to something. i wanted to ellaborate a little on mom and her money. she really has no problem throwing it around, if only to make it look like she is more lavish than she actually is. she does, however, have a problem paying for things she has committed to. i’ve already given one instance above. here’s another. while planning our wedding, ideas were presented to both our parents. my parents gave us their budget and what they were willing to pay for (really it was the majority of the wedding as tradition dictates). thomas’ parents (mom) said on many occasions she would pay for this, or that, or whatever. i, being a responsible adult and it beingmywedding, was not going to rely on my parents or his to pay soley for our wedding. i had put up my own money for the majority of things. my parents either paid me back or went with me to pay directly. thomas’ parents on the other hand, held out. yes, a wedding is a huge financial burden. that is why i wasn’t going to wait around for anyone. i wasn’t going overboard with planning. my dress cost $400.00. i, with the help of my family, made all the food for the reception. we borrowed tents, tables and chairs from family, friends and neighbors. all the venues we looked at were much too expensive for us, so we held it in the backyard. the most expensive thing was our photographer. which, mom said she would pay half for. getting her to actually pay for it was a nightmare. there was always some excuse as to why she couldn’t pay. i had to pay myself. i was finally paid back some time after the wedding. we did use their backyard, and maybe they thought that was enough of a contribution, all other commitments aside. i really didn’t want to have my wedding in a backyard. i think it’s tacky. but, we didn’t have much money, and they had a decent enough backyard. it still took a lot work to have it wedding ready. work, that they were not willing to help us out with, and that they wouldn’t let thomas off work to help me out with. so, i ended up planting the whole yard, weeding, chopping vines, removing dead trees and moving all the junk that was accumulated on the back porch. things like broken refrigerators (there was at least 2), rusty lawn furniture, dog kennels and who knows what else. i had to plant new grass and clean up after their dogs. not to mention make sure they didn’t destroy all the plants and flowers i had just planted.

really, all the planning and prepping for the wedding should have been my first clue, and real glimpse into the reality of this family. they even refused to help us set up. we set up the tents, tables and chairs the night before. i showed up on my wedding day to find that everything else still needed to be done. luckily my family was close behind and was able to jump right in. however, they were already dressed for the wedding, and i still needed to get ready myself. thomas’ family was all inside snacking on my reception food and watching t.v. after getting most everything ready, i only had a few minutes to change. already not the way i had envisioned my wedding day. the only thing i heard from his family was complaints. complaints thatmyfamily doesn’t help out with anything andtheyhad to do all the work. i should have been the one complaining! after the ceremony, baby brother (who i’m surprised even showed up and was only invited because his parents invited him) went home. i didn’t care. i was even glad! he wouldn’t have to be in my pictures! wrong!! we had to wait for him to come back before mom and dad would let us do a family picture. we waited 2 hours before we were allowed to have a picture with out him. he did end coming back, dressed in grungy old work clothes, and wrote nasty things in our memory book. he should have just stayed home to begin with.

the family business

the year thomas and i married, his mother asked if i would like to work with them as well. her selling point, she was going to pay me better than thomas. not much of a stretch, since it has already been established she pays family as though we were immigrants willing to do anything to make a buck .. literally. wanting to spend more time with my new hubby, i agreed. i had som abnormal hours at my regular job. i was able to spend the majority of my days with thomas at the family business. the best part for me, other than working with thomas, was that it didn’t actually feel like work to me. i guess that’s because i had a job. and that really did feel like work. i quite enjoyed myself at the ol’ family business. i worked 8 months for them. putting in almost as many hours as thomas. i had not received any payment during that time. mom isn’t the best at wanting to part with money, unless spent on her self, and it may have taken quite a bit of reminding that she still needed to pay me. after 8 months i finally received my first and only check. i am not embarrassed to say it was for $1500.00. i am however embarrassed that i was taken in this manner. $1500.00 for 8 months work!! i couldn’t believe it! how is this paying me better? i thought that might have meant she was at least going to pay me decent! how is this even a fair payment! and no, this was no where near paying me more than thomas. from that check on, i vowed i would not work for them again. i tried effervesantley to get thomas to quit. to find a better job. one that would pay him what he is worth. the obligation he felt to help them outweighed the obligation he should have felt to help me. needless to say, he wouldn’t budge. the time he spent at the family business was not worth the payment. and for some reason, he can’t see it. this was the start of many a fight.

the beginning

for anyone who has in-laws, you might be able to relate. but then again, you might not. it all depends on the kind of relationship you have with you in-laws. mine started out great. throughout our courtship, my husband and i regularly engaged with his family. went to dinners, movies, game night. sometimes i would go over just to hang out with his sister or mother. we would go shopping, to the spa, on vacations. i thought i was so lucky to be marrying into such a welcoming family. how wonderful that we were all friends. how quickly that all changed.

it was all a front, as though they were trying to impress me so that i would want to marry into their family. shortly after we were married, their real personalities came out. mom and dad have their favorites and it shows. sadly, thomas has never made the list. instead, the favorite, who is an obvious product of favoritism, is lazy, selfish, demanding and an overall douche bag, who still suffers from childhood jealousy towards thomas. yes, he is the little brother. he refuses to talk to thomas, and when thomas talks to him, he cries to mommy that thomas is picking on him. he refuses to talk to me as well. i’m sure it is soley due to the fact that i am with thomas, so therefore not worthy of his majesty. don’t get me wrong. i have never cared for this self-serving film from the bottom of the trash can. he might think he is punishing us, but really we are grateful!

now, here’s the biggest problem with the family. aside from their persistance to regurgitate into our lives, mom, dad and baby brother all work together. the root of many a problem. mom and dad started a business a couple years after they were married. when the kids were big enough to help, they put them all to work. thomas and baby brother have continued to work there the majority of their lives. baby sister “works” there too. every few months she comes back just to punch her time card so she can paid for doing nothing. thomas works there out of pity for his dad, who has had to carry the entire business from the beginning. mom, just like baby brother, is lazy, selfish, demanding… you get the idea. every chance she can get out of something, she will. needless to say, she is not around very often. baby brother also thinks he is a know it all, when really and clearly he doesn’t know a thing. he has had so many retarded (yes, i said retarded) ideas that have cost the company thousands in losses. you would think that after so many failed attempts to humor brother that mom and dad would finally step in and say ‘no’. wrong. remember, he is the favorite, so he gets to do anything he wants, no matter how stupid. the fact is, the kid is not capable of working anywhere else. he is not handicapped, just stupid. and since mom and dad have already made it clear that they will carry him through life so he won’t have to learn anything on his own, he has decided to take full advantage and let them. i honestly do not think the kid can read, let alone graduate high school. there has been evidence to support my claim. no one else, in their right mind, would hire him. he works there because he has no where else to go.

the most maddening thing about this family business is the ridiculous demands they make of thomas and always on short notice. they are a tell you when they need it done type of people, not a plan ahead so it will be done when you need it. for instance, they decide in the morning that they want to start work early. they get to work, wonder why no one is there, and then call saying ‘where are you, work started 15 minutes ago’ instead of in an hour like it was scheduled. because of their last minute decisions, thomas will be there 12-14 hours a day, 6 days a week. because they are closed on sundays. thomas has been going to college, which has also been difficult when your parents don’t want you to go, and are angry that you are trying to further your education. why would they be angry? because if he has time to go to school, then he should be at work instead!

the paycheck also wasn’t cutting it. even with my job and picking up overtime hours. not that we spend our money lavishly. we have our mortgage and utilities, car payments on two cars, insurances, groceries, tuition, the general stuff. the problem lies more in the fact that he isn’t even getting paid minimum wage. he’s family, why pay him more. it is expected of him to help out the family business, but in turn they can’t help us out by paying him a decent wage! especially when he is the hardest working employee they have! (i refer you back to my previous statements about mom and brother) so, he got a part time job working on sundays. another canker on this already sore tongue. certainly if he has time to work on sundays, he clearly should be at the family business. right? wouldn’t that be more of a statement that the family business isn’t paying our bills? NOOOO!! it’s clearly a way to fill extra time that they have given him. it’s sad when your wife (me) makes more on her part time job than you (thomas) do on your full time job (and that was without the overtime). really, really sad. which reminds me of the time i went to work for the family business. another story, i assure you. i could go on and on. and will. just not today.